What is the difference between Thrifty and Stingy?

When people change their money mindset and their spending habits, some friends and family may not fully understand the reasoning behind these changes. If you know someone who has been very carefree with their money, and all of sudden they start being more careful, it can adjust the relationship that you have with them.

It is very easy to call someone stingy when they no longer want to spend money on things that they previously have spent money on. This person may be trying to live a thriftier lifestyle rather than actually being stingy with their money. Let’s look at the differences between being thrifty and stingy.

Thrifty vs Stingy

In general, someone who is thrifty is someone that wants more for their money. They are now willing to spend less on a purchase as long as the same goal is met. For example, someone who is trying to be thriftier will go buy a gently used Christmas Tree at a resale shop rather than buy a new one at a major retail store. They are saving money as well as still meeting their goal of owning a Christmas Tree.

Now someone who is stingy would probably skip buying a Christmas Tree at all. They would instead just not have anyone over to their house, so no one would notice that they didn’t have one. They may suggest celebrating at someone else’s house who does spend money on decorating, or a stingy person may also propose borrowing someone’s Christmas Tree and “forget” to return it. Stingy people will generally make lots of excuses as to why they can’t spend the money or even use not so honest strategies to get what they want.

Another example of thrifty and stingy, would be a graduation gift for a family member. A thrifty person may spend a small amount of money to make or repurpose a gift for the graduation celebration. The gift would be more thoughtful instead of valuable. On the other hand, a stingy person may send a cheap generic card instead of a physical gift or money.

Is stingy an insult?

The main reason to describe someone as stingy is because you don’t agree with they way they choose to spend their money. Typically we describe someone as stingy, when they have a lot of money but don’t spend it in ways that we think they should. Rarely would we ever call someone stingy to their face, it is usually said behind someone’s back.

The main issue with this insult, is that no one really ever knows the financial situation of another person. The person that we think is stingy may actually be going through a financial crisis or dealing with a lot less money than they previously had.

Another instance may be that this person is similar to my friend Meredith. Meredith is always dressed to the nines in designer brand name clothing, she drives a very new and expensive car, and always looks impeccable with her hair and nails. By all outside appearances, it looks like Meredith has a lot of disposable income.

In reality, Meredith is purposely giving the impression that she has money, when she really is very poor financially. Unfortunately, Meredith lives paycheck to paycheck and has a huge mountain of debt. She looks like she has everything she always wanted, and people assume that she is very well off.

At certain times of the year, especially around birthdays or holidays, Meredith is always busy. She never goes to parties that would traditionally involve a gift for someone and she has been known to cancel at the last minute if a group gift idea is brought up.

It took years for me to figure out, that Meredith was so obsessed with looking wealthy and seeming like she was living the perfect life, but in reality, she was scared and alone. She had a beautiful house but had barely any food in her refrigerator and pantry. She had so much debt and was not even keeping up with her bills every month.

Everyone around Meredith described her as being stingy, because she obviously had tons of money but she rarely if ever spent it on others. Little did they know, she was just putting up appearances. Keep this in mind the next time you think someone is stingy, they may not have the money you think they do.

Check out this survey we did on “How do you know if you are poor?” and the results will definitely surprise you!

Ways to deal with a stingy person or spouse

Now what if you are dealing with a stingy person that you know their financial situation because you share the same house. In some instances, we are married or in a relationship with someone that has stingy behavior. How do we deal with people when they are being stingy?

People rarely wake up one day and decide to start being stingy. This is usually behavior that builds up over time. In some cases, people become stingy when they are scared of their financial situation and they kind of start hoarding money in case something bad happens. In other situations, people become obsessed with making money and are fearful of spending it.

In both scenarios, there is a basic fear or irrational thoughts associated with money. If your spouse is being very stingy all of a sudden with no clear reasoning as to why, this may indicate that they are hiding information from you.

They could be scared of a possible job loss, fearful of stock market changes, or maybe they have made some recent big purchases that they are regretting. It is always best to try to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about not only your household budget but also their concerns with the way the family spends money.

Sudden stinginess with money in someone that was previously not stingy, can be a sign of a gambling addiction or a drug addiction. The stinginess can be a cover for what they are really spending money on. I have even seen spouses take out credit cards and loans without telling their partner, and the new stinginess is to cover their overspending.

Savers and Spenders getting Married

It is not uncommon for a Saver and a Spender to get married, so we have to try to reach a middle ground in order to not constantly butt heads when it comes to our finances. We can do this by setting financial goals for the short term and the long term.

When we define exactly what is important to each member in a marriage, we can make sure that everyone is getting what they need. A saver may want to focus on future goals like buying a house, whereas a spender may want to focus on going on vacation next month.

When we figure out how to satisfy both sides and do it in a way where both people are treated equally, it is a lot easier to have a happy marriage. We need to have very open and supportive conversations with our spouses, so our opinions are heard, and we all get what we want out of life.

Financial problems are a big factor in the reason why couples get divorced, so trying to find a way to keep everyone happy is essential to keeping a healthy relationship. One of the best ways to do this is to compromise with each other.

For instance, if we have one person who really wants to spend money on a luxury vacation, and the other one wants to save for a down payment on a house. Then one way to compromise is to take a small vacation now but skip the vacation next year in order to save for a lower priced house with more room in the budget to travel more later. Each person will get the desired outcome, but we will compromise a little to help the other spouse.

The downside of this is if one spouse is not willing to compromise. If the Saver is deadset on saving up for this huge expensive house and does not want to spend any money on vacations now or later. This becomes a big problem for the Spender who wants to be able to travel and take vacations every year.

This couple can continue to fight over money every year, or they can figure out a way for both sides to be happy. There is no simple solution to this, so it is best to sit down and really discuss your wants and needs with your spouse. So many couples just don’t talk to each other and just assume that the other spouse already knows what they want.

If you wait until both sides are upset, your only option may be to go to marriage counseling or to end the partnership. Instead, if you work on the issues up front and continue to work on your differences, then you can definitely overcome any financial roadblocks that may come.

Can a Stingy Person change?

As long as stingy person wants to change their relationship and mindset with money, then they can absolutely change their behavior. It would be very similar to an over spender curbing their impulse to spend money.

The key to changing your behavior with being stingy or overspending, is to find the root cause. Do we tend to be stingier when we are unhappy? Do we have fears and anxiety about our financial health?

Usually there is a reason that our stingy behavior began, and once we identify the reason, we can come up with better coping mechanisms. For instance, we can start building into our budget, money that is to be used just for fun. We can start with a small amount like $5, and we can slowly build up on that.

In some extreme cases, being very stingy can be an outward sign to an internal issue. We may have more success by working with a therapist or psychiatric professional rather than trying to fix the issue on our own.

The main driver in changing stingy behavior has to be a desire to change. You can’t force someone to stop being stingy and start spending their money more freely. When forced to change, people are much more likely to revert back to their original behavior.